Grief and Grace

Grief, the response to loss of something deemed important, has been part of my life for the past 4 months. I didn't officially lose my dad until March 4th; however, the signs of weakness, confusion and overall deteriorated well-being were very noticable by New Year's Eve and my dad officially entered Hospice care at the beginning of February. I'm so thankful that he didn't suffer and that I was able to spend his final days with him, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him terribly.

Right now, I feel overwhelmed a lot. If my dad were still here, I could call him. He could reassure me that things would, in fact, be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but they will actually be okay eventually.

I'm trying to remember that I need to have grace with myself - and there are multiple definitions of the word grace, all the way from a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine assistance to the quality or state of being considerate and thoughtful. Honestly, until I looked up the word, I had no idea that there were this many multiple meanings of the word.

I guess when I think about it, I am just aiming to be kind to myself. Grief isn't something that's going to magically disappear. It's something that I have to let myself work through and remember that some days will be harder than others.

I think grief and grace are going to have to just learn to co-exist for awhile and I'm going to have to be okay with that.