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It's Raining, It's Pouring

We've heard the phrase, "When it rains, it pours." That is so true in my life right now. It was true 6 years ago too, but the season passed. It got better, and as I read Buddhism: Rational Spirituality: 5 Keys to Freedom from Suffering, I realized that the greatest gift we can give ourselves is the gift of being present. When we learn to live in the now, we are saying that we know bad things happen, but this season will pass.

Six years ago, I was miserable. My baby boy had been in the hospital for 50 days. I took an almost non-existent maternity leave, because I was working part-time, which didn't qualify for benefits. I didn't bond with my little man for quite some time - and it was hard.

The arrival of a preemie added to the chaos of moving. The two year old moving to an in-home daycare after having been cared for at home was a unique challenge. My incision splitting open created a new dependence on my spouse that neither of us wanted. The "unsellable" house was rented, but vacated early - and we'll never see a dime of the money owed to us. The drought meant constant watering of our freshly laid sod, (which 6 years later is creeping charlie) and an $800 water bill.

Exhaustion tore at me from all angles, but I plowed through. My co-worker said, "You're coming to work to take a break, right?" I nodded, laughed, and smiled. She knew that it was hard to be a mom. Not only was it hard to be a mom, but it was even harder because my husband was volunTOLD to work a second shift operation for a project that was supposed to last two weeks and lasted eight months. So not only did I go from being a mom of one child to two children earlier than expected, but I was a single mom to both children most nights.

During that time period, there was no thriving. Anything that I did from July of 2012 to March of 2013 was survival. I survived. My daughter was fed (I think), the laundry got washed (most of the time), and the dishes were cleaned (on the second Tuesday of the months that end in "ber"). The point is, I survived my "It's raining, it's pouring" period of 2012.

Now, I am surviving my "It's raining, it's pouring" period of 2018. (I guess the universe only wants to give me a 6 year reprieve from the snowballs of health battles, career nightmares, and the joy (or pain) of selling a house). Tomorrow, I will find out the results of my MRI and my lumbar poke. Do I want it to be a mystery why I see consistent spots in my vision? Do I want to have a treatable ailment? I definitely do not want anything that is permanent and I really do not want anything that requires invasive tests. But, whatever happens, I know that this season too, will pass.

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