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Seasons of Change

It was a rough year, 2012. It was a year of constant change, constant turmoil, and feeling like every time I turned around, there was some new obstacle presented to me. But I survived. And I am surviving 2018 too.

There are some parallels between then and now. There are some new challenges. But the feeling of the universe throwing rocks at me is the same. And the depression (that has never truly gone away), is settling back in for another winter.

In 2012, we had our second child. I can't say that we welcomed him, because at ten weeks premature and all the complications that went with his birth, he and I were both lucky to survive. However, I adjusted to having another NICU stay and being a mom to two children instead of just one - and I survived.

Ten days after our son was born, we also moved. It wasn't a cross-country move, but it was across counties and from an 800 square-foot house to a 1300 square-foot house. It was also from a smaller town to a larger city and the networks weren't the same - and I survived.

Not only did my son stay in the hospital for 50 days, but my incision split open! I was careful to not lift things that were too heavy, but we were moving and I needed to take my computer out. It was heavy. I felt the incision rip open and the NICU nurses sent me to labor and delivery to get checked out. Then the two-month long packing journey began - and I survived.

Did I mention that the reason my son was early was due to pre-eclampsia? That means that your blood pressure is generally high and giving birth usually resolves it. But it didn't resolve it for me! I was on blood pressure medicine for another few months - and I survived.

Then there was the rental house. It was our starter house and we put it up for sale in the spring, but got no offers and couldn't afford two house payments, so we rented it out. Our first renter was a nightmare - late on rent, no deposit, breaking the lease, and leaving us to wonder what we should do next - especially since this was foreign territory for us. I let my husband take the lead from there - and I survived.

Remember the move right after my son was born? It was to a brand-new house, with brand-new sod, that needed to be watered daily. We were having a drought that year. It was so hot I couldn't even take my daughter to the park because the equipment was too hot. But we had to water our lawn. We had to try and keep the grass green, but we also had an $800 water bill - and I survived.

I survived a lot during 2012. In fact, this is the list of all I survived in 2012.

Today, as I look at the parallels of 2012 and 2018, I can say that I will survive this storm too.

My blood pressure may not be elevated in 2018, but my optic nerve is swollen. I've been dealing with spots in my vision since probably January and followed by the eye doctor since April. My MRI is on Friday - and I will survive.

We're dealing with trying to sell our first house now. When I listed it, we had the most views on Zillow. Now other people's houses are doing better. Our pictures are awful, because the whole thing needs cleaned - light bulbs need replaced, the calcium deposits on the sink need wiped off, the cobwebs need knocked down and I can't find the pictures that I thought I took 6 years ago! - and I will survive.

Mother nature sure isn't cutting us a break with the constant threat of flooding right now. We live in the 500 year flood plain and even at a crest of 22 ft we won't see water, but the streets are closed on my routes to/from work - and I will survive.

Work was a wonderful in 2012, but in 2018 there's a lot going on. In 2012 I was dreading telling my supervisor that I probably would need to quit due to the high cost of childcare, but in 2018? Now, I am dreading going to work every day - but I will survive.

I will survive this season and hopefully the next door will open wonderful opportunities that I can't fathom right now.

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